The man gives all his inheritance to his eldest daughter; “That way my future wife and children won’t get anything.” AITA?

When this man is bored with his kids, he asks the internet:

“THE MOTHER who gave everything to the elders so that my future wife and her children will receive nothing?”

My late wife passed away 3 years ago. She had no will and our daughter (F18) and I both inherited half of everything. I always knew my wife planned to leave everything to our daughter, but she died young and suddenly and didn’t have the chance to write a will.

I met my fiancee 1.5 years ago and we got engaged 2 months ago. Before the engagement I gave my daughter everything I inherited from my late wife because I think that is her right. My late wife would never have wanted another wife and child to inherit what she worked for.

Well, my fiancee found out recently and is very angry with me. She thinks I’m an idiot and everything I’ve had should go to all the kids (She has a 17 year old daughter and we’re planning to have a baby together). AITA?

Let’s see what readers think. They were torn!

charct3er4b write:

NTA. The money wasn’t from your parents or winning the lottery. It was something your late wife earned. If I were engaged to someone new, I would not want my children to receive another child’s inheritance, especially if it was from their mother. To me, this is a huge flag.

Your fiance is a big AH for thinking she and her kids are entitled to anything you had before marriage. Be careful and make sure you protect your assets, OP, especially before a child is involved.

Worried about her true intentions and how she would treat your daughter if something happened to you. (ie ask your daughter to give her the things you wanted your daughter to have).

facegg write:

I’m going against the grain with all of this. YOURS. you are positively getting rid of your money before you get married so your future wife doesn’t have access to it. It’s not your ex-wife’s money. It’s your money, let’s be clear.

You are starting a new life with this woman and while you are planning your life together, you go behind her back and give away your money. Before I was married, my wife knew what I had (finances, possessions, etc.) and I knew what she had. That’s how we could plan our life together.

I feel like you’re framing this “young woman” (for lack of a better term) as a money grabber, but it seems like you’re leaving a lot out. Why didn’t you tell her what you were going to do? Why not just get a prenup? What do you mean when you say “what did my wife work for”? Were you there when she was making this money, or did you marry someone rich?

You too by assumption that your ex-wife wouldn’t want a new wife to have the money, but has she ever stated that? Even if she did, she had no say in the matter because she is dead.

Sounds to me like you don’t really love and/or trust your future wife, and YOU decide she won’t have access to money. You are the money grabber in this situation and it sounds to me like you just dumped your relationship because of it.

medical write:

NTA, I actually, as a child of a parent who blew it all OWN money from my mother, I really respect you.

But she has a right to be upset. She may be a gold digger, but does she know how much of your financial solvency is due to your ex?

When people hear inheritance, they think big money. She is only a fiancee, so I guess you’re not into each other’s wallets yet. In this case she doesn’t know if you have thrown away 50% of your net worth or not.

That’s where the college fund goes. That’s where the emergency money goes if someone gets sick. Was it your wife’s house? If so, what if your daughter doesn’t like ‘mommy’ being replaced and tries to kick her out?

These are just disaster scenarios, but if there’s one thing we’ve learned lately, lulls do happen. Also, judging by the way you phrased the title, I have a concern about how you communicate or miscommunicate. “Giving it all away,” to older people sounds like you’ve emptied everything you’ve got.

And, ‘her children?’ You said she has one, right? I didn’t read it wrong? Future children will be yours too.

number of characters write:

NTA. The money wasn’t from your parents or winning the lottery. It was something your late wife earned. If I were engaged to someone new, I would not want my children to receive another child’s inheritance, especially if it was from their mother. To me, this is a huge flag.

Your fiance is a big AH for thinking she and her kids are entitled to anything you had before marriage. Be careful and make sure you protect your assets, OP, especially before a child is involved.

Worried about her true intentions and how she would treat your daughter if something happened to you. (ie ask your daughter to give her the things you wanted your daughter to have).

naturevividpic write:

NTA. Yes, you better make a will like now, especially if you marry him. You can leave her what you want to leave her and leave your child what you want to leave her.

I mean you can have certain accounts that have beneficiaries and make your daughter the beneficiary of some and make your wife the beneficiary of others and that way it’s apparently transferred to them on your death.

Although I don’t think if you have a 401k you won’t have a choice, most states I think automatically make it go to the wife and if you want to leave it to someone else, you have to get the wife to sign a waiver, and the same applies. if the wife wants to leave it to someone other than her husband, the husband will have to sign the waiver.

In any case, put your finances in order if you are going to marry her, as she says you should have left everything to her and her children.

Now my father was of the mindset that the husband takes care of the wife. Well he was born in the 30’s so the wife stayed home and took care of the kids. Although my mom worked for a while and she actually paid her way through college.

He also worked a part-time job, so they worked together, so it must have been after they started having children that she stopped working, but for the first four years of their marriage, she worked full-time put him through college and basically paid their rent and food bills.

So it was really upsetting when my father remarried after her death soon (9 months) and told us before they got married that he was leaving everything to his new wife. He meant everything.

He ended up not leaving an IRA that had been in my mom’s name because my stepmom made a big deal about it being in my mom’s name and she didn’t want it because of that.

So instead she got everything else that came very easily, a million, if not more, my father was extremely financially capable and the house he bought her. He sold our house and used the money to buy him a house.

She wanted our house but we all vetoed it and my dad didn’t want to keep it anyway as he wanted to downsize. So she still has a really nice house, I looked it up recently, he paid $350k for it, now it’s worth $450k.

Now me, my siblings and her children will benefit because the house is supposed to be sold after her death and divided between us. I think that’s how my dad made sure we had something.

Now it will be interesting to see if this actually happens. I don’t know if it’s all legally tied up in a bow or just something he wanted. But my stepmother has mentioned several times that this is how it should be.

But I think it’s good that you gave your child what your wife left you. The fact that your fiance is drooling over it doesn’t sit well with her. You might want to rethink things. Or just stay engaged and never get married.

funberry write:

NTA. Your fiancee’s children will inherit from her and their father. Your daughter should inherit from you and her mother. If you and your fiancee have children, those children must inherit from you and from her.

You may want to consider options to make your fiancee comfortable if you suddenly move in and have children together. For example, if you are the breadwinner, will she be able to easily support your shared biological children if you pass away?

Much of this is simply understanding what your children need for stability. She may feel better knowing that she and the biological children will not be cut out of your inheritance and will still be financially secure and sound. There is nothing wrong with giving your daughter all of her mother’s inheritance. You are comfortable without it!

tuchmiuch write:

So I am the child in this situation. My mother died when I was 14, and my father remarried when I was 18 (I’m now 36). Recently we have been talking about wills etc simply because my father has had a bad fall, I have had some health problems etc. It just came out.

My stepmom (amazing, I love her a little) couldn’t have kids on her own and that was before she even met my dad. However, she has 16 nieces and nephews. If something were to happen to my father, my stepmother would inherit all of his, as well as my mother’s.

I feel embarrassed that my mother’s inheritance could be divided not only between me and my sister, but also between my step-daughter’s nieces and nephews who have never known or met her.

I discussed this with my dad and stepmom, and they completely understood – my mom’s share will go to me and my sister, my dad’s will be 50% us, 50% my stepmom. I think it is reasonable. If you passed your late wife’s inheritance to your daughter, that’s right.

Your fiance has nothing to do with it and has no right to claim any of it. If you are giving 100% of your inheritance to your daughter, I could understand why she would be upset.

It doesn’t sound like you are, though, so I’m not sure why your fiance thinks you owe any of your late wife’s estate. It’s not hers, it wasn’t with you when it was collected, it’s up to you and your daughter and you two decide what happens to it.

If she doesn’t agree with your decision on this, literally, your late wife’s stuff – you might want to delay that wedding a bit. It’s also not that long ago, so maybe get to know each other a bit better and agree on the big stuff before you jump into a marriage with someone you’ve only known for a short time?

It would be a red flag to me if my partner made an issue out of it, it doesn’t seem like something she can claim.

Info – and if you don’t want to answer that’s fine too, but I think it’s relevant to the context: Is it a substantial amount that your late wife left?

NTA either way, and I applaud you for supporting your daughter and doing what is right by her mom.